Feminine Wiles: It's all about subtlety

Note: this is a joint posting between Wonder Muff and Sugar Twat.

Wonder Muff and Sugar Twat went out to paint the town blue tonight. They started by walking down Comm to T. Anthony's, to get a bite before going to the rock show.
There were three young women in the pizza shop, desperately seeking male attention. They played the dance sexy game, the pretend to be bi game, and the shriek and giggle game. Now, bear in mind that Wonder Muff and Sugar Twat actually were looking hot and sexy. As Wonder Muff says: "Our hotness was subtle. They were overblown, and think that slutty and hot are the same thing." Sugar Twat thought that Wonder Muff looked like Chrissie Hynde. Super sexy with her tats peeking out from under the edges of her top. Wonder Muff thought that Sugar Twat was on the other end of the Punk Rock spectrum. Like a two woman version of the Decline of Western Civilization.
All of the men seemed put off by the blatant angling of the pizza shop girls. One guy in the shop even caught Sugar Twat's eye, and they sort of shook heads at each other. Wonder Muff says: "we sat in the booth, and discussed how much we could teach them about subtlety, and about owning one's sexuality." Had they tagged along and observed WM and ST for the rest of the night, they would have taught them something. Wonder Muff interjects: "Like how not to act like stupid whores."

So, Wonder Muff and Sugar Twat then crossed the street to go to the Paradise Rock Club, to see X, the best band in the world. Wonder Muff says: "we approached the door, and saw the sign that the tickets were sold out. But, we were undeterred." First, Sugar Twat approached the doorman, and asked, nicely, if they ever resold tickets that weren't picked up. They do not. A lot of people would have given up. Our girls did not. Guys kept asking Sugar Twat for a light, and each time she handed her lighter over, she said "Got any extra tickets?" At one point, a sound guy asked for a light, and for one moment she thought he would be the connection. No luck there. But, they persisted, and stood within eye line of the door, without crowding.

Finally, Wonder Muff noticed the doorman make a sly come hither gesture towards them. So they did. He whispered, "I can get you in. Come around the rope and make sure you hand your ID's to me. Then, after you go in, wait for me in the lounge." So they did. They waited in the lounge for a few minutes, and later, found that for a moment both thought that that was as far as they would get. Then, he came in and brought them to the back of the room, and told them to wait. So they did. Finally, he brought them behind a rope, through a door marked "No admittance. Employees only," and up a poorly-lit, narrow flight of stairs. Our girls glanced at each other, shrugged, and followed him up the stairs, not sure of where they were going, but certain that they could take care of themselves and each other. They emerged into the second floor balcony area. He told them that since they didn't have tickets, they couldn't go down to the main floor, and they would not be able to go outside and re-enter. That was fine with them. After Wonder Muff and Sugar Twat thanked him, they looked at each other in amazement. They just had a total rock and roll moment, without debasing themselves. They knew that the pizza shop girls would never have been slipped in by the doorman.

Sugar Twat says: "The show was amazing. We danced the entire time. We screamed, we sang at the top of our lungs. We were total balls-out rock chicks. We were hit on by several squares who were more impressed with our rock status the more we talked. Then we walked away."

After a fantastic set, both X and the girls were drenched in sweat. They cooled down to two encores-three songs each. Wonder Muff says: "We did not want the night to end, but finally admitted that the music was over." Since they didn't think they could go back down the employee stairs, they then went to the main floor. This is when, just by being themselves, Wonder Muff and Sugar Twat got what the pizza girls would have wanted but didn't have the power to attain. Billy Zoom, the guitar player, was milling about shaking hands with the crowd. He turned, walked straight up to Sugar Twat, took her face in his hands, and kissed her. Then, he embraced Wonder Muff, and, she later said: "he grabbed my ass." Wonder Muff says: "this has nothing to do with feminism. It happened because we weren't trying to get his attention. it wasn't degrading, it was just a part of our rock-star night."

Another pair of girls might have tried to get something else out of the night, and probably would have ended up giving blow jobs to the roadies. But this was not about false intimacy, or trying to find a sense of self worth in an anonymous sexual encounter. It was about two girls who love rock and roll. So, Wonder Muff and Sugar Twat bought t-shirts and walked home, together, alone.

Media Whores

I am really bothered by the spate of media whores in our midst. You know, the Brittney's and Lindsey's and Paris's.

Why are the women most often highlighted in the media bat-shit crazy slut bitches? This is the image we are putting forth of women today. They are notorious for their vapid, inappropriate behavior. What's worse, it's not even just that they are caught with panties down and drunken nonsense spewing forth. They have formed a symbiotic relationship with the media, displaying the horribly undignified behavior that the gossip mongers earn their keep on. It's as if these women are some sort of anti-vampires that only exist when in the spotlight.

I'm not talking about the sort of bad-girl behavior of someone like Courtney Love. Her badness stems from the fact that she just doesn't give a fuck.

I would love to find out what these women really think about. Do they have any sense of self? Do they care that young women see them as role models, and think that this behavior is something that girls should look to as an example of how to gain attention, thus saying to hell with respect? Do they really feel that they have more worth through paparazzi crotch-shots, drunken debacles, and the denigration of whatever talent they might have? Of course, some of them are only famous for being famous. I feel as if we are living in a surrealistic Andy Warhol nightmare.

What's the Deal with Frenemies?

Studies have shown that amongst male children, bullies attack from without the social circle; but with female children, bullying occurs amongst friends. [I'm not going to cite it. Go google it.] What are we doing to our girls to make them so competitive at such young ages?



I've only ever had one frenemy. Heather (yes, her name really was Heather!) was one of those girls who needed to be skinnier, sexier, badder and faster. And, she needed to be the center of male attention at all times. In retrospect, I think we can all agree that it was a self-esteem issue, but in high school, we used other words.



She would get jealous and vie for the attention of any male that paid attention to another girl. And, given that she was faster and badder, she usually got it. Now, to put this into the proper perspective, bear in mind that we were not casual acquaintances. There were four of us girls who were inseparable. We were "bestest friends." [that was also the first time I had 'funny' feelings about a girl (not heather), but that's another story).



I didn't really notice her, um, "problem" until I had my first real boyfriend. (this is code. It means the first guy I had sex with). Before he and I got together, she would vocally disparage him and make it incredibly clear that she found him unattractive. But, that changed after Cherry-Popper and I started going out. (I know it's not a very classy blog-name, but it's the best I can come up with, and I don't want to use his real name since he got the link to this blog via MySpace. Now you're all going to my MySpace page to figure out which of my friends he is. He knows who he is. Hi! How're you doing? I hope you don't mind the story of our adolescent lust and angst being shared on these pages! I am trying to protect your privacy!)

So, one Cherry-Popper and I were an "item," as my mother would say, she changed. She totally came on to him. Interestingly enough, he noticed this, noticed it was a pattern for her, did not pick up her bait, and talked openly with me about it. (hi! are you still reading this? You were pretty enlightened for an 18 year-old guy!)

What I didn't realize at the time was how sad this was. There was such a disconnect within her own mind between her self-worth and her own desires. She could not be interested in a man based on her own level of attraction; she could only be interested in a man based on her need to win his attention.

I can't imagine doing that to my friends, or having friends who would do that to me. Even in the past, when Wonder Muff and I have found ourselves attracted to the same guy, we dealt with it. (as in, Tom is moving to LA so we both make out with him at his going away party? Only in Northampton!) Neither of us has ever tried to "steal" a boyfriend from the other. Of course, who would want to have a boyfriend who is a possession that can be "Stolen" anyway?